Where Are You From

"Do you mean where do I live?” “No. Where are you from?”
“Do you mean where was I raised?” “No. Where are YOU from?”

“What hospital was I born in? Where is my family from? What is my background? What are you asking me?”

Why has that question become one that can never get one straight answer? Why does it take so long for most of us to actually answer it or to get the answer we’re looking for? What about thinking of it this way: what if there isn’t just one straight answer? What if the answer we’re looking for has more to offer than what we originally thought?


You can’t possibly deny that at least once (and that’s at a bare minimum) you’ve been asked the question “Where are you from?” How do you respond? Do you say where your hometown is? Do you say where you are currently living? Do you respond with your birthplace or the nationality you most closely identify with? What if the answer were as simple as stating your race? Are you Black, White, Asian, Hispanic etc.? Is that enough?

We have all grown accustomed to being classified into different sets of groups. The groups of race, nation we identify with or were born in, language we speak, or place where we currently live. For example, I’m from Queens, New York. I’m Hispanic or Latino (which is an entirely different debate on its own). I’m Spanish (another argument to be discussed). I’m Dominican, I’m Puerto Rican. But where are you truly from? Do you ever stop and take a moment to really think about this. Well, whatever your answer to that question may be, take a second or two now to answer this one. Before you, before your parents or their parents were ever born, where were your ancestors? If you trace your lineage all the way back to the first people who created your family tree, where did they grow their roots?

This doesn’t only pertain to our Black Latino community. This pertains to every race, color, creed, nationality, gender, community, individual, person, and human out there. If we choose to close our minds and center them solely on the minute details of our origin, we are depriving ourselves and others of all the knowledge and understanding they can gain from learning about where we are truly from. We are not just a number in the archives of a government, or a name in the files and paperwork of a hospital. We are not just a color amongst a rainbow of colors. We are not just a him or a her. I believe, we are not just from one land.

Throughout history, humans have been known to intermingle, if you will, and interconnect with others resulting in creations of new generations of mixed people and heritages. I believe we can all go back and find at least one family member who has had children with someone other than one of their own race or nationality, regardless of what anyone’s feelings are about that. Wouldn’t this mean that the generations to follow are more than just what their mother is/was? Are you not part of both parents’ families? So where are you from?

We must educate ourselves to find the real answer to that question.
 
Rosa Soto- Administrative Director of the Black Latina Movement
Guest Blogger
 

HairStory

I am not my hair, but I have been known to LOVE my hair.

When I was younger I wore it curly (of course), in high school I was finally allowed to relax it, and now I am just wondering what the easiest way to maintain its unruliness. I have for a while thought about locking it to once again follow in the footsteps of my amazing mother, but then again that might be too drastic a change for me. So my issue is this: I feel I am choosing a side by choosing a hairstyle.

It may sound silly but a lot of women (and I'm sure men as well) have these image issues. As a little girl I wore my hair curly but I remember following what my mom did to her hair as well. I remember when she got her hair braided, she would sit there and box braid my curly hair until I had a full head of braids. Then back to the curls, which I loved but dreaded washing, conditioning, and packing with gel to maintain its curliness. I also remember getting my hair blow dried for my eighth grade prom and being made fun of by this one cruel kid because no one had ever seen it straight, and it was HUGE. Then in high school when I finally was allowed to relax it I loved it, and never looked back for my curls.

One thing I have grown to associate with choosing a side in regards to my hair is if I wear my hair curly people almost automatically assume I am Latina, whereas if I wear my hair straight, people won’t. It sounds like I want people not to think of me as Latina but I assure you that is not the case. No, appearance isn’t everything but in a sense isn’t it? I am very proud of both of my sides but the fact that I have not worn my hair curly in years makes me wonder how it will look. From time to time I do see a woman who looks amazing rocking her curls but then I assure myself that mine won’t look as awesome. But if I decide to lock my hair, does this discredit me from being a Latina (quite plausable in the eyes of other Latinas) and make me "more Black"? I have also seen some great looking locked styles with women and men alike wearing them beautifully, but again there’s always that doubt that I won’t look as hot.

I think for now my happy medium in wearing my hair straight keeps people guessing and I am ok with that!

My Light-Skinned-ness

I have always wanted to fit in as a Black girl and now that I am a woman the pressure to “fit in” is even greater. Usually I tend to describe myself in writing as a light-skinned Black woman; this is mostly because that is how I am portrayed in others opinions.

What does being a Black woman mean, let alone look like?

The beauty of being a Black woman is that there is no one way one we are supposed to look. We all come in different shapes, sizes, heights, and weights and we all have different features and hair types.

Why then is my Blackness always questioned, or in my opinion “downgraded” to being “light-skinned”? Why can’t I simply be a Black woman?

On several occasions I have been reminded of my light-skinned-ness; one recent incident was a bit of a wake-up call that just got me to thinking. While prepping makeup for a show I was with a colleague who commented on the red lipstick I was wearing. Being the “light-skinned” woman that I am, I didn’t really think too much about skin color when I purchased the lipstick, just that I thought it was a pretty matte red that could work for me. When the two of us started talking about lipstick, my dark-skinned friend said it was a pretty red but Black women like her couldn’t wear it. I immediately took offense to her comment. In retrospect, I realize she was trying to explain how certain shades are for certain skin tones but initially I was stopped in my tracks.

The words that have always been in my head found their way out of my mouth: “what do you mean; I’m a Black woman too”. In an effort to explain what she meant her voice fell upon deaf ears as I was ready to defend my Blackness yet again. Before commenting and letting my frustrations out I thought and decided it was a battle that, no matter how much I fought I wouldn’t be able to have a victory. I simply said “when I look at you and then at myself, I feel like we are the same color”.

Maybe that is ignorant of me.

My mother is a Black woman; therefore I thought I was a Black woman too.

A similar situation involving a male coworker justified yet again the fact that I have to defend my Blackness. My mother came to my job one day and one of my coworkers did not believe she was my mother. After introducing them, he told me he didn’t picture her being a “real” Black woman. He described her as a “strong Black Panther type woman” and mentioned that he loved her locks, but was expecting to see someone that looked more like Paula Patton.

Speechless.

These are but a few experiences, there are plenty more. No I am not a dark-skinned woman but how does that discredit me from being a Black woman at all?

The identity struggles I have within myself are enough to keep me occupied but as a whole, we as Black people tend to also disregard our own. The same persecution we receive from others for being Black, we are passing on to others for not being “Black enough”.

Thriple Identity

Many people have complex ancestral lineages, especially Black Latinos who have a bi-fold heritage. But living in the U.S, a place that is not originally our home, provides a separate issue of identity for us. Not only do we have a direct (or indirect) African and Latino identity but we also represent the place in which we live as well.

America.

I have heard countless stories from Black Latinos and other people going "Home" and once they get there they are reminded that they are now American; in America they are reminded that are not from here either, especially if they speak their native tongue. Many are faced with this feeling of not fitting in, a feeling that I can relate to oh so well.

This gets extremely sticky when you factor in technology and the ability for people to travel and resettle with greater ease then say 50 years ago. For example: if two Nigerian parents relocate to Paris, France aren't their children Nigerian Parisians? Or more closer
to home: an 8 year old boy whose family leaves Calcutta, India and come to the U.S; is he not then an Indian American?

As complex as this sounds now imagine it for someone like myself with 2 backgrounds now trying to fit into this 3rd American one.

The law of attraction.....or Do opposites attract?

Peanut butter and jelly, salt and pepper, oil and vinegar, thunder and lightning, none of these would be the same without the other.

The philosophical idea that "like attracts like" may fall true for many aspects of life as many friendships are formed and forged because of the similarities of one another. In the same aspect many relationships are formed because of the commonality that initially
brings a couple together. Similarities in lifestyle, likes and dislikes in particular things, and beliefs are a few things that spark and keep an interest in someone.

Or do opposites really attract?

There are also plenty of friendships and relationships where opposition is often the sole attraction that brought the two together. Studies show that long term relationships in which opposites were the initial reason for attraction only last if similar personalities exist. Providing that opposites attract (but do not prevail) there must be similarities in each individual’s personality while their attitudes, beliefs, and values are factors that can be agreed upon.

When it comes to race does either of these theories hold any truth?

As a Black woman (who to the naked eye would be most commonly be referred to as "light skinned") I have always been attracted to darker skinned black men. There was always this intriguing aspect that reeled me in; not necessarily providing for what I was lacking but more for what I felt complemented me. There was always a physical aspect or a "type" I sought out; the tall, dark, and handsome fairytale that so many women await.

At times, I wouldn’t look twice at any man who pursued me and wasn't darker than I was. I'd refer to them as my "brother" and would justify it by jokingly saying “we just look too much alike" because of our complexions. Being a woman who always felt there was a need to prove her "Blackness" I wonder if this is a direct correlation with trying to fit in. I’ve known many people of mixed race who gravitate towards one side more than the other, but why? Is it for acceptance by the side that you really always wanted to be more a part of or is there some other unseen force at work?